Friday, May 8, 2009

Who Am I (Summer '98)

Braggart artist liar lover leaver liver sailor something unforgiven
Small tall unforgiving harsh practical ambitious ambiguous bigger
Than the smallest giant smaller than the biggest midget beautiful
Harmonious trembling intelligence impractical incapable un-mechanical
Monastic scholastic anti-gymnastic frozen tight always on the
Verge of being broken into tiny little perfect pieces which
I'll put right back together, un-unified, anti-disestablishment's worst
Nightmare a fucking jigsaw a glued together vase sickly
Yet strong tired untiring addicteetotaler extreme no in between
Father laugher athlete actor singer songwriter keep writing
Who I am but never touch the core something evil something
Blank something unrestrained and fierce something gentle in
Nature without desire to be gentle no quarter murderer I'd
Have been a crazy king or ballsy peasant fear I'd be
Just another middle-class middle ager retentive female angry
Angry oh so angry all the time and self-directed too
It starts with me gets put on you because I know you're
Really just like me - ruthless unstoppable and resilient
Hopeless and dreaming spent and untapped never recapped
Beyond humanity and behind myself no memory not an elephant
A forgetter of the most important things a dropper
A drinker a smoker a healer - that's not true a talker
A thinker an over-examined blind man a body
Least of all a body a boy

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